


Sleeping Habits

by littlealex



Category: Johnny's Entertainment, KAT-TUN (Band)
Genre: Gen, Pre-Slash
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2009-08-08
Updated: 2009-08-08
Packaged: 2017-10-12 07:17:59
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,674
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/122308
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/littlealex/pseuds/littlealex
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Kame might be able to sleep anywhere, and wax poetic about the joys of sleeping in a bed, but he is most uncomfortable sleeping alone.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Sleeping Habits

It is a well-known fact that Kamenashi Kazuya can sleep at the drop of a hat in almost any position known to man. He has slept on couches and floors, in automobiles and airplanes, standing or seated on the train and once, memorably, in a bathtub. It's not something he's always been able to do - it's an ability borne of necessity - and he would always rather sleep in a bed. Given the chance (and he has been, to the regret of those who gave it), he could wax poetic for hours about the way sleeping in a bed makes him feel: the crisp cleanliness of freshly laundered sheets, the comfortable weight of layers of sheets, blankets and quilts, and the way his body feels as it sinks into a mattress of perfect firmness. He relishes the experience of sleeping in a bed because it reminds him that sleeping is a luxury as well as the necessity his lifestyle mandates it to be.

That said, Kame sleeps the most uncomfortably in an empty bed.

He blames his mother for his discomfort in sleeping alone. She decided, after raising his two older brothers, that co-sleeping was the best way to rear a child. Kame has never quite worked out the "nature vs. nurture" mechanics of it all, but he's sure that this early experience is to blame for his sleeping habits.

Since before he can remember, he couldn't stand the feeling of an open, empty bed. He slept with his parents until he was seven years old, at which point his father insisted he get a bed of his own. The bed was small, but he remembers the feeling of drowning in sheets even now; the anxiety distant and shadowy but vivid enough to cause a restless night. When he was younger, he piled his bed with pillows and soft toys, anything to occupy the space around him, and the habit carried through to his time at Johnny's.

He didn't have to worry about these habits until KAT-TUN started to gain traction and they started going on tour. Before then, he'd always been able to go home to sleep engulfed in pillows, or catch a few hours on a couch or bus or somewhere that didn't mean swimming in linen, but it got to be a problem when his career began to mean hotel rooms and expansive beds. At first, he tried to lessen the discomfort with sheets and pillows, but it wasn't exactly an inconspicuous practice, especially when he had to share a room.

Jin was the first to notice, as they were put together the first time the band had a hotel stay.

"Kame, why are you piling all that crap on your bed?"

Kame looked at his bed and then looked at Jin. "It's more comfortable this way." It was a good answer, delivered with a neat shrug to show that it didn't really matter, but Jin had apparently never heard the story about curiosity killing the cat.

"But won't you suffocate with all those sheets and blankets and pillows? Or, you know, get hot?"

Kame couldn't really hide the telling hesitation before he gave an answer, so he opted to tell the truth. Someone, he reasoned, was bound to discover the reason, and that someone was probably going to be Jin anyway, so there wasn't much point in hiding it. "I don't like an empty bed. It makes me nervous and I can't sleep."

"Do you need someone to sleep with?" It was barely even a question, more an offer wrapped in a statement that allowed room for denial, but the whole thing caught Kame off guard. He was pretty sure it wasn't normal for people to need company to sleep, so Jin guessing so accurately rendered him temporarily speechless.

Still, it was Jin, and no matter how much of an idiot he could be, he was good at getting at the heart of things. Kame just shrugged in response and gave a little nod, not really wanting to admit to it but knowing there wasn't any way out of it now. "It's more comfortable than lots of stuffy sheets."

At this point, Kame was sure that the normal response was to shrug and let your crazy friend work on his neuroses himself. Jin wasn't really normal, though; his empathy extended too far for his own good sometimes, so his first reaction was to suggest sharing a bed so that Kame could get a good night's sleep.

"What?"

"Well, the bed is big enough," Jin said simply, and for a moment Kame thought that might have been his entire reason. "There's room for both of us, but the bed won't be empty for you and you'll be able to sleep. Right?"

"I suppose so, but...."

"No buts! We can sleep head-to-toe if you think it's weird. I'll put my head at the foot of the bed, I like sleeping upside-down."

Though Kame felt the intense desire to tell Jin that that wasn't really sleeping upside-down, he bit back his words just in case the offer was rescinded. "No, no. It's okay. Just as long as I don't wake up to find you staring at me, I think I'll be okay."

It should have been weirder than it was. After the initial ice-breaking jokes about cold feet and farting etiquette, they settled into an easy sleep. Kame woke a couple of times during the night to find that he had inadvertently moved closer to Jin, but seeing as he knew Jin could sleep through almost anything, he didn't worry. It was comfortable, so by the third time he found his head rolled onto Jin's arm and their knees touching, he didn't bother to move away again.

It became a habit after they realized they would be put in the same room most of the time, and neither of them particularly minded. Kame wasn't sure whether it was something he should indulge in, but he reasoned that there was nothing wrong with getting a good night's sleep, especially when they had precious few hours to do so. Jin never said anything about it, either; not even when Kame began sleeping just that little bit closer.

It was subconscious at first, the same reflex Kame had when he was at home and hugged his person-sized pillow. Because he was smaller than Jin, it was easy: he'd just put his hand on Jin's waist and press his forehead to Jin's chest and he was instantly comfortable. The first time he did it, Jin froze, and Kame could hear the way his breath caught in his throat, but he stayed where he was just to see whether Jin would make him move. Jin didn't say anything, just exhaled slowly and tugged the sheets up over Kame's shoulder, letting his hand rest gently between Kame's shoulder blades for the rest of the night.

The arrangement was easy and comfortable, and Kame got used to it. He didn't have to worry about going on tour and sleeping in huge, unfamiliar beds, because he knew that Jin would be there to share the uncomfortable space and make the whole ordeal easier.

It didn't last forever, though.

\---

When Jin left for America, he took with him a lot of things that were important to Kame - a shoulder to cry on, a person to confide in, a source of entertainment - but the one that caused the most anxiety was losing someone to share a bed with. The first time KT-TUN had to stay in hotels, he was paired with someone different each night, and it worried him so much that he could barely sleep at home in the nights before the tour.

On the first night, he was paired with Nakamaru. It would have been okay if he hadn't drunkenly admitted the week before that he had to sleep with more pillows and quilts than hotels had on hand. However, because Maru was easily concerned, the first thing he did when they arrived at the hotel was gather all the spare pillows and quilts in the room and dump them on Kame's bed.

Kame looked at him and blinked a few times. "Thank you," he said, though he'd been hoping Maru would have forgotten the anecdote.

"I don't want you to have some sort of anxiety attack in the middle of the night," Maru said, frowning as he looked at Kame's bed. "Is that enough? I can do without sheets and use one pillow...."

"No," Kame said, holding up his hand to stop him worrying. "It's... it's fine, thank you."

Maru had his hands on his hips and frowned even as he nodded. "Okay," he said, though he didn't look particularly convinced.

Kame knew he wasn't going to stop worrying, though, even as they both left it alone and started to get ready for bed. He could feel Maru's concern like another presence in the room, so that by the time he was brushing his teeth, he couldn't take it anymore. He left the bathroom and stood at the foot of Maru's bed, holding his toothbrush in one hand and wiping toothpaste off his face with his other.

"The only way it's fixed is if I have someone in the bed with me," he blurted rather inelegantly.

Maru put down the book he was reading and leaned up on one elbow. "You mean, like... cuddling?" The way he said the word 'cuddling', with a mix of confusion, curiosity and mild distaste almost made Kame laugh. He shook his head instead.

"No, not like that. Just... I just need someone else in the bed. It's not... not a big deal, though. I mean at home I sleep with big pillows and stuff, it's just... these huge, unfamiliar beds, it's easier when there's someone else in them." He was rambling, but Maru's expression cleared as he spoke, albeit only a little.

"I'm not going to say I understand," Maru said after a moment, stretching each word as though he was still thinking about them as he spoke. "But I get it." He looked like he was still trying to work it out, staring at Kame as though some sort of answer was going to jump out at him, but Kame just nodded and returned to the bathroom before any epiphanies could happen.

When he returned, Maru was still propped up on one elbow, staring blankly at the wall until his eyes snapped to look at Kame. "Do you want to share a bed, then?" He asked, as though the intervening minutes hadn't closed the conversation, and Kame looked at him like a deer caught in headlights.

It hadn't made sense when Jin offered to share a bed, and it made even less sense when Maru did it.

"Well..." Kame hesitated in refusing the offer instantly, not only because it would mean he could get to sleep but also because the look on Maru's face was so completely innocent and concerned that it would be difficult to tell him that his help wasn't wanted. "Only if you'll be able to sleep as well."

After making Maru promise that he would change his mind if he couldn't get to sleep, Kame climbed into the bed, squashing himself between the other boy and the wall. It was definitely weirder than sharing a bed with Jin, but that came as no surprise. Kame could practically feel the concern vibrating through the sheets, but everything settled once Maru finished reading and the lights were off.

The two of them slept with their backs to each other, almost enough space between them for another person, and while the night lacked the closeness of another warm body, Kame slept soundly with the mattress dipping behind him under Maru's weight.

\---

The next night, Kame shared a room with Taguchi.

"So Kame, I think it would be best if you slept in my bed tonight," Taguchi said simply, before the hotel room door had even closed behind them. Kame stopped in the middle of the short hallway and turned around to look at the taller boy as though he had suggested they jump off a cliff later. Taguchi grinned. "Maru told me."

Kame vowed to kill Maru and rolled his eyes, continuing into the room and dumping his things on one of the beds. "It's really okay, Taguchi. I can sleep on my own, I'll just get some extra pillows and -"

But Taguchi wouldn't have any of it. "Don't be silly," he said, still smiling benignly as though Kame was turning down a cupcake instead of an offer to share a bed. "I sleep better when there's someone else in the bed, too."

Kame blinked, watching blankly as Taguchi retrieved his pyjamas from his travel bag. "You do?"

"Of course," Taguchi replied, fishing out his toothbrush as well. "It usually means I've just had sex with them, but you know."

Before Kame's brain could stop misfiring enough to find the words to respond, Taguchi grinned again and made his way to the bathroom.

Sharing with Taguchi wasn't too bad, in the end. Though he treated it more like a sleepover than he should have, telling ghost stories until Kame told him to shut up, Kame managed to sleep better than he had with Maru. Taguchi slept sprawling on his stomach, Kame on his side facing the middle of the bed, and every now and then one of them would wake to find Taguchi's elbow nudging Kame's hand.

It wasn't weird, though, unlike the way that everything else about Taguchi was weird, but Kame knew it wasn't quite right.

\---

The next night, it was Ueda's turn. Kame couldn't help but notice that he looked a little apprehensive as they made their way to the hotel room, and although Ueda's total silence wasn't an uncommon feature of his personality, it echoed through the room as they organized themselves for the night.

Kame didn't really want to say anything, but the furtive glances and the nervous tension in the air was enough to keep him awake no matter what the circumstances were. So when he could feel Ueda watching him as he untucked his bed sheets, Kame stopped and looked over at the other boy, who was sitting in seiza position on top of his own bed for no apparent reason.

"You don't need to offer," Kame said, feeling his arms hang a bit uselessly at his sides. "Just because Maru and Taguchi did-"

"No, I want to," Ueda interrupted, fingers splaying over his knees as a frown passed over his features. Kame knew Ueda wasn't really as creepy as he looked, but he could have fooled anyone at that moment. "You're insufferable when you're sleep deprived."

It wasn't exactly the kindest of offers, but Kame could see his point.

"I'll still get a few hours if we don't share a bed," Kame offered. He could see Ueda weighing the various outcomes silently as he stared.

"No, I don't want to risk it," Ueda said after a moment's contemplation, a quick shake of his head before he moved to stand on the floor in front of Kame. He held out his hand towards the bed in what was obviously meant to be a welcoming gesture. "Get in the bed."

"Okay," Kame said, almost laughing at the torn expression on Ueda's face.

They both slept on their sides, facing the same way, and even though Ueda made it clear that they weren't going to be doing any cuddling ("I'm not going to be your teddy bear, Kame"), he didn't keep himself at arm's length. Once the lights were out, Ueda was close enough that Kame could feel his breath on the back of his neck, and just as Kame felt settled enough to start dozing off, Ueda pressed a hand against Kame's waist, fingers resting in the dips between his ribs. The contact startled Kame at first, but it was clear that the hand was not meant to further physical contact; 'this is as close as we get,' the hand said, and it was comforting in its honesty.

It didn't stop Kame from waking up in the morning with Ueda's hand over his navel and a mop of black hair tickling the back of his neck.

\---

The next night, he shared a room with Koki, and while Kame knew that Koki was going to suggest sharing a bed and wanted to head him off at the pass, the look in his eye made Kame wait for the offer.

The fact was, while Koki looked all hard edges, everyone knew he was just like a big, soft, cuddly teddy bear beneath it all. He was the fastest to fall for a girl, the quickest to feel other people's pain, and was most likely the most genuine empathizer in all of the agency. So it came as no surprise to Kame that he was the most understanding about the situation.

"I know you're probably sick of people saying this already, and it's nothing like sleeping with people you're used to, but if you want to share a bed tonight, I won't mind." Of course, the only way that Koki could actually get away with saying such heartfelt things was the bleached hair, the backwards cap, the mountains of jewelry, and Kame just smiled at the offer.

He was pretty sure that Koki didn't actually understand it any better than the others, but he knew that the offer came from the bottom of his heart and there was no way he could turn Koki down. Besides which, Koki had started to take the place that Jin had vacated when he left. Not only in photo shoots, playing around with fan service, but in all the other ways as well: he'd been there for Kame to cry on, to talk to, to laugh with. While they both knew that Koki could never replace Jin, getting closer to him had been a natural progression, and there wasn't any question that this would be the same.

Of course, it wasn't really the same. Kame tried, and he knew Koki tried too, but it didn't matter how comfortable the bed was, or how easily Koki let him inch closer in the dark, warm and familiar hands on shoulders and waists, knees knocking easily together and their breathing matching. As comfortable as things were between them, and as deep and resting as the sleep was, Kame fell asleep counting the ways that it was different.

It wasn't fair, but he couldn't help it, and in the morning Koki asked him whether he'd had a bad dream because of the way his brow was furrowed.

\---

The rest of the trip wasn't too bad, because at least he knew what he was in for when he shared a room with any one of his co-workers, but it could have been better.

Everything about those six months could have been better, really, but it was the sleeping arrangements that would always stick out in Kame's mind. Because ever since KAT-TUN had been popular enough to go outside Tokyo overnight, Jin had been the constant, comforting knowledge that Kame would sleep at night. Even the nights that they had fought, when they'd both thrown insults and shoved each other around, Jin still folded the layers of crisp sheets and warm blankets back and waited for Kame to get into bed before turning off the light. So even though he couldn't fault the others for trying to ease his anxieties, the whole memory tasted bitter.

When Jin returned, nothing was quite the same. It couldn't be, and they all knew that, but from the moment the plane touched down and for months afterwards, it was drilled into them that it had to appear as though nothing had happened. Jin just went on a trip, as management put it, which left no room for the feelings of betrayal that had been left to fester in his absence.

The worst part, of course, was that he returned in the middle of a tour.

Kame managed to avoid sharing a room with Jin for the first six weeks of the tour - alternating between sharing with Taguchi and Ueda, which nobody seemed to mind - but by the beginning of June, the other members were sick of the silent treatments and death glares. "We're locking you in this room together and we don't really care if you kill each other, as long as we don't have to see your moping," Ueda said with his usual level of tact and delicacy, pushing them into the room and challenging them to disagree with a shake of his fist.

They didn't argue with Ueda, but the night was an unmitigated disaster. They didn't say a word to one another, silence filling the space between them to the point of suffocating, and Kame caught what few moments of rest he could, swimming in sheets and drowning in blankets and he woke with a powerful stomach ache. He knew that Jin heard him as he dry retched the next morning, but what was more frustrating than not being able to talk about it with him was the knowledge that the feeling wouldn't stop until he forgave Jin.

He couldn't forgive Jin instantly, of course, but as Ueda kept locking them in the same room and Kame's body threatened to shut down from sleep deprivation, it was almost a matter of necessity. He considered it, about a week before the tour ended, and was on the verge of saying something when Jin spoke first. Jin was in bed, pretending to sleep (Kame knew he was pretending because his shoulders were too stiff), and Kame was just about to get under his own blankets and close his eyes, when a quiet voice broke through the silence.

"You're not sleeping, are you?"

Kame sat in bed and looked over at Jin's body, turned away from him, and he wanted to snap back at him, say something caustic or flippant, something to stop the conversation, but he couldn't quite bring himself to do so. Not because he was considering giving in for practical reasons, but because Jin's voice was so hesitant and vulnerable that he couldn't really shut him down. So instead, he just didn't say anything for a while, because the answer was obvious, and the question was rhetorical anyway.

Jin continued a moment later, anyway. "It's because your bed's empty." He didn't bother making it a question this time, and Kame just nodded, even though Jin couldn't see it, and fiddled with his sheets. "I think we should share. You need your sleep."

It was only then that Kame noticed that Jin had scooted as far to one side of the bed as he could, leaving ample room for another person. He wondered if he had been doing it every night. The silence stretched out between them, and it was only when Jin shifted in his spot that Kame realized he should give an answer. He cleared his throat and didn't wait for his brain to consider the words before he said them. "Is that okay?"

Jin still didn't turn around, but he nodded and reached back, pulling the sheets away behind him. It reminded Kame of countless times before, silent peace offerings after arguments, and even though part of him still screamed that Jin didn't deserve to be forgiven, the subtle gesture tugged at his heart strings and he couldn't help himself. He slid out of the bed he was in and got into the other bed beside Jin, making a smooth transition. He turned off the light as he went, shifted to lie down and tug the blankets over him, and before he even had time to think about anything like _emotions_ or _complications_ , his muscles relaxed and his eyes closed and he could have fallen asleep instantly.

"I don't want to fight with you," Jin whispered into the darkness. For a second, Kame thought he might have imagined it. But when he opened his eyes, he saw the unmistakable signs of a shuddering breath being let out. He didn't say anything, though, because he didn't want to talk yet. As much as he might have wanted to fix things - and he found it easier to want that when there was a week's worth of sleepless nights catching up with him - this wasn't the right time to talk. It was time to sleep, so instead of speaking, he shifted onto his side and pressed a hand over Jin's shoulder.

The hand wasn't an apology, wasn't forgiveness, but it was a white flag. 'I don't want to fight, either,' it said; nothing more, and Kame felt the last remnants of tension leave his body as he saw Jin nod his head and settle into the mattress. Things weren't fixed, but they were better, and Kame fell asleep with a warm feeling surrounding his heart, his fingers curled in loose fists that nudged Jin's back.

\---

"So, did you two kiss and make up?" Taguchi asked Kame the following day as they were uncharacteristically alone in the dressing room.

Kame looked at Taguchi out of the corner of his eye as he tried not to burn his hair on the straightening iron. "Not really."

"But you slept together?" Kame rolled his eyes at the complete misuse of the phrase but nodded in answer anyway.

"Good. I'm glad," Taguchi said, nodding and leaving the room as though that was the only reason he was in the room at all. Kame didn't quite know what to make of it, and stared at the reflection of the empty doorway in the mirror until he almost did burn his hair on the straightening iron. No, they hadn't made up; they hadn't talked about all the ways Jin's decision had hurt Kame or the reasons Jin had in the first place, but things were better. They would get around to talking eventually, but for now things were comfortable between them again, and Kame wasn't about to go second-guessing the reasons for it.

\---

For the last week before the end of the tour, Kame shared a bed with Jin. Ueda knew that he didn't have to force them to share a room anymore, but he continued to give them an excuse for it for a couple of nights before none of them even noticed it anymore. It was almost as though nothing had changed, and Kame moved a little closer to Jin every night until they found themselves waking to limbs sprawled and tangled and hands in faces and hair across collarbones and everything else that was familiar about tours.

They didn't say anything about it, because it wasn't anything they had ever talked about. They just let it happen; easy and comfortable as it always had been, so that by the end of the tour the silences between them were no longer filled with tension and anger. Kame still wanted to talk to Jin about everything that had happened, but as the vitriol drained out of his system, so did the urgency and desire to rip Jin to shreds with an argument. He knew they would talk eventually, so he let it go for the moment, allowing the simple act of sharing a bed together stitch up the wounds between them without picking at the scabs with words.

Kame blamed his mother for his inability to sleep alone, but by the end of the long tour, he could not have been more thankful for the quirk. He'd never really seen a benefit to co-sleeping before, but as he woke on the morning after the final concert with a light heart and a face full of his best friend's hair, he knew that he never would have stopped being destructively angry with Jin if they hadn't shared a bed. And although sharing a bed would never define his relationship with Jin, Kame would always credit the practice with patching up a friendship that might have otherwise stayed broken forever.

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks to spacetiger, as ever, for being my beloved cheerleader and a hand-holder. ♥ This fic was not written with the intent of anything more than Akame friendship, but given the subject matter I wouldn't hold it against you if you saw more between the lines - that's what we slashers are good at. ;) Oh, and pls to be ignoring my ignorance about how much younger Kame's brother is, Google didn't tell me so I took liberties.


End file.
